a sheleena kind of thing

"my 'cause' bracelet is better than your 'cause' bracelet"

2007-12-07T12:42:00.000-05:00

just over a year ago i had a bit of a 'falling out' with a community of women that had been my inspiration, my family, my passion, and my nourishment since the first year i identified as a "post-secondary student". i cringed as i watched it deteriorate into an institutional, bureaucratic 'vagina club' disguised as a progressive social movement. i listened to vacant, neo-liberal vomit tacitly invade the 'campaign' rhetoric and watched in disgust as many self-worshipping ladies ooh'ed and ahh'ed over their own photos posted in our community space; a beautiful, safe space that was increasingly becoming sexualized and exploitative and unwelcoming. it felt like each day they became more and more divorced from their herstory, less interested in cultural education, and covertly estranged from their democratic principles and grassroots philosophies. they began to obsess over policy and hierarchy. they began to criticize the people they were advocating for. they began to villainize dissident voices. and it made us want to speak and cry and rage more.

so we did.

i read an article recently called "the problem with youth activism" that has challenged me to think: where the fuck are the days when being a student activist meant risking your body and your academic future in the cry for a genuine revolution? not squabbling over which colour bracelet you are going to sell or where you can order the cheapest campaign t-shirts oblivious to whether or not they are drenched in a sweatshop, chemical-cotton history. where are the outraged, the self-critical, the resisters, the radical fucking actions of our young people? the author is right: contemporary academia has subdued our storm, trained us to procedurize and fluff our political energy and determination. she laments that our post-secondary institutions have become sites for "weekly club meetings" and self-congratulatory, ideologically-safe "gen y'ers" on cheap, anti-whatever cocaine.

it is a trendy argument about trendy activism, i know. i can accept the self-irony.

on the way down to a recent protest, i got into a discussion with the people i was travelling with regarding the "greening" of corporate america/canada. and it fuelled a growing discomfort i am developing with my personal philosophies about avenues for/of social change. i went through a phase awhile back where i adopted a certain distaste for the self-righteous "perfect activist". what the fuck is a "perfect activist" right? the other damn side of the double-edged sword. i mean, how can you preach inclusivity and democracy and accountability if you are only willing to listen to the granola labia-pierced birkenstock subculture of the radical left? (again, i recognize the self-irony here, trust me.) why isn't it enough that people in the infant stages of their global mindfulness are at least STARTING to recognize the rape of our earth and our women and our southern neighbours? can we accept that it is manifesting in organic wal-mart food? celebrity hybrid-drivers? lululemon sweaty yoga? vegetarian-turned teenagers who think that meat is, like, sooo bad? polite, administration-approved campus campaigning?

i don't fucking know.

all i know is that it is time for me to heal my relationship to the community of women that once inspired and deserted me. because i can't change this human-forsaken planet on my own...

a tsunami, green tea candy, and the art of gender physics... otherwise known as: techno-conversations from victoria, bc.

2007-04-26T16:16:00.000-05:00

dearest of boys,

either i am the worst person to be giving you advice about spontaneous geographical relocations brought on by prophetic disaster dreams and an "irrational" faith in the virtue of human chemistry, OR i am the best person. (you do know that i recently traversed this country, utterly heartbroken yet blissfully independent, in an attempt to develop new sources of strength, opportunity, and self-love, right?)

i think you are misapplying the term "madness" to those whose creative intensity and circumstantial momentum are acting as catalysts for freedom. or maybe that is madness. i'm not sure. either way, there shouldn't be a cure. madness is emancipatory. in your case anyway. and in mine. oh, come on, so you want to take off to another country for a girl. well, i did that exact same thing for a boy 2 years ago and it jump-started a desperately needed healing period in my life. the trip ended up having nothing to do with the boy. maybe your spirit is simply craving a new, nourishing stimulus and this need is manifesting in all dimensions of your life. i say trust that, don't ignore it or try to explain it away or figure out where it came from. IT'S IRRATIONAL for chrissake.

(small interlude regarding sheleena's life: why do they say that life is always greener on the other side? maybe the greenest life lies in the awareness that another side exists. or 3 sides or 100. and why shouldn't we want to explore them all? maybe the grass is a lot browner on one side, but who wants the same fucking colour their whole life anyway? my own heart is lined with little abstract paintings, most of them titled "adrian" and still dripping wet with unfinished colour, but my head is tapped into an undeniable nomadic urge to see and do and be everywhere. and if i could figure out a way to harness and combine the raw desire of both, then damnit i would. unfortunately all my attempts so far have resulted in destructive patterns and unrequited emotion. fuck. i'm so tired of the grass being greener somewhere else, and i'm tired of trying to green the grass that someone else is standing on. i need a new colour, and you know what, i'll fixate the hell out of it if it shakes my spirit with excitement. besides, my grass is green already.)

people are always "supposed to be" in relationships at a certain time. but relationships are dynamic and transient and sometimes, if you are lucky, deliciously complicated. you know this. i am sorry to hear about your worst day. all i can offer is a soothing reminder of our unconditional connection... so i send that to help ground you. or to help set you free.

love,
sheleena

cosmic bowling is the shit...

2006-12-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

it's kind of odd that i like bowling so much considering i am so disgusted by the grime infested finger holes and the sharage of the shoes. guhgghh, ew. but you gotta love it cuz it has such a geekishly cool flare and a badass top 40 soundtrack. last saturday i couldn't help groov'n up the lane, ball in hand, butt shak'n, and proving that "i'm bringing sexy back" with spares and strikes...

i am always distracted by the otherwise indiscernible pieces of lint that luminesce in the black light all over every item of clothing you have on. i can't help staring at them and wanting to point and shout absurdities all austin powers-like.

"LLLLINT!"

it' ri-goddamn-diculous.

this is a picture of sean bowling. watching him progress through the two games was awesome because he was so determined to perfect his release that he ending up sacrificing technique for... technique. plus he couldn't stop laughing. when sean laughs everyone laughs because he doubles over and his eyes pop out of his head. every time. no, like, EVERY TIME. i love it.

hanging out with the y staff is hilariously... temperate. when you work with a relatively granola staff team that actively seeks to help people develop teambuilding skills in an adventure-based natural environment (ie. outdoor ed and ropes courses), you inevitably end up unable to function in a competitive environment. not that bowling is that competitive, (except if your name is shane forfar), but really, who needs the chaotic consequences of drinking when you have the ymca, enough positive reinforcement to make cheerleaders go stepford, and cosmic three-strike turkey dances.

like i said, ri-goddamn-diculous.

somewhere within the torrential flooding of my memory there are little yellow balloons going up up up up...

2006-11-28T18:52:00.000-05:00

i can't stop thinking about this one night at toogood pond a couple of years ago. i was sitting on the deck with mike gillespie. the night was crisp with philosophy and sorrow and i remember that my feet were cold. the wind was icy but the conversation was warming and i couldn't help thinking about how beautiful my friendships are. i don't know where anyone else was but mike and i were deep in words and the thoughts came smiling out of me. i don't remember the exact question or even what the context of the conversation was, but mike asked me something like,

"sheleena, what do you want to accomplish in your life; what will make you happy and proud of the way you lived?"

characteristically nostalgic of me, i responded, "that's easy, i want to fall in love as many times as i can."

i must have been fucking stoned.

bumbling

2006-11-24T03:11:00.000-05:00

i am moving into my very own loft apartment. i like it because it has a skylight and a little secret crawl space bursting with undiscovered adventures. i am excited for tea parties on the floor with petey and homemade soup on the miniature stove. the ceilings are slanted which encourages me to hang plants from them and sit cross-legged under the angles...

i walked in and i thought: this is a space within itself, like a memory unfolding backwards...

it made me think of my grandma.

somewhere inside my head i am loving myself, i just have no fucking idea where to start looking.

"socialism is the science of example"

2006-08-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

i am currently reading an english translation of "history will absolve me" which i purchased while in cuba. it seems timely of course given fidel's health at the moment. there has been a lot of talk about cuba's future... fidel is ill, raul is 75, and chavez happens to run another country. what happens in the next few months will potentially alter the socio-political dynamic of all of central america and i can't stop thinking about the friends i met during my stay...

i am grateful that i had the chance to visit, to experience cuba's beauty, to meet its proud people, and learn its complicated history. i would like to share some of that experience...

this was my backyard. we spent a lot of time at "home", mostly because i had so much homework to do. i liked practicing my spanish with the trabajadores, though most cubans drop half their alphabet in oral conversation. for 2 weeks i could only talk in the present tense, which was rather amusing to them. most of the time i had hot water, though it usually fluctuated between either freezing cold or burning hot or no water at all...

the first week we were there was a series of celebrations, lots of parades, lots of music, and lots of people. this picture was taken during a "labour day" parade, or more like a "worker's day" parade. it is one of the largest celebrations of the year and takes place in cities all over the country. it is a day to recognize each citizen's contribution to the labour of their country. we marched with the university in holguin.

a bici-taxi and a caballo. other than walking and our beat-up trusty school bus, these were the ways we got around in holguin. there aren't many cars in cuba that date passed the late 1950's, so the bicycle revolution is really what has saved transportation in cuba. everyone hitchhikes everywhere and some will wait hours or even days out in the country for someone to pick them up. we learned quickly to adjust to "cubano time", which basically means there is no such thing as schedules or impatience. i learned an important lesson about slowing things down...

this was my classroom at the university. it also contained a small blackboard and an old piano. i spent 5 hours each day in this room with mandy and our 2 professors, struggling not only to learn a new language but also to comprehend the differences in university environments. i was only gone for a month but i still had a hard time readjusting to canadian culture, especially within the university, its setting, its guiding principles of teaching and eduction and its technologies. i am still strugging with this.

this is the front of the barracks where fidel's group originally attacked batista's military in santiago de cuba. after fidel was let out of prison, he turned the barracks into a school and now it is a revolution museum.

a brief moment of contemplation and stillness.

one of two caving expeditions. on the rock in the background you can make out a brief sentence: "patria o muerte" which translates as "the mother land/mother country or death", one of many phrases born from the famous "socialismo o muerte" and which are painted in all corners of the country.

la habana. four of us ladies took off to havana for the weekend. a 12 hour overnight bus ride and oh so very worth the trip. havana is like a double ghost town. one side of the city retains its original spanish colonial decor and contains some of the most beautiful buildings i have ever seen in my life. please see this website for pictures... it's worth the look. the picture i have posted here is a view from our accomodations in havana. this side of the ghost town remains in the late 1950's when havana was considered one of the most progressive and hip cities in the world.

we celebrated cheri's birthday party in pure cubano style... with rum and dancing.

well, the photo essay wouldn't be complete without the beach. i mean, really.

my favourite photo from cuba. it sums up everything so well, that i don't even have to say anything about it.

this experience changed my life.

april 15th: a beer for every year plus one

2006-04-17T21:27:00.000-05:00

i have decided to start out my life as a 25 year-old by taking a spanish course in holguin, cuba. i leave april 28th for one month. i will miss adrian and petey and my mom. happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me.

a superhero and a $300 bridesmaid's dress...

2006-03-18T17:58:00.000-05:00

i had known D------ all my life. she was dainty and smug, which meant that she was fat. she wore yellow a lot, which kind of bugged me. i remember how her socks were always bunched at an awkward angle...

she cried when it was her turn. i didn't blame her. i mean, nobody likes to have a cigarette burned into their eye.

i miss...

2006-03-07T13:06:00.000-05:00

crafts
my record player
everything about arts camp
leigh's house
pens
the sun
time
love letters
the lake
my mom
dance lessons
anne-marie
the dark room
outside
radical, fearless emotion
the concept of home
amy
writing
spontaneity
long distance phone calls
camping
music that shakes me
kodak delights
connection
inspiration
the wind in the summer
travelling
creativity
sheleena

amywhiteslut...

2006-02-24T22:45:00.000-05:00

happy birthday!!!

nostalgia was always my slut: bus stations, an art show, and other stuff

2006-02-02T23:43:00.000-05:00

so, (as if it wasn't painfully obvious to anybody that is still reading my blog after like a year of half-ass useless nothingness blogging) i have come to the realization that all i have been able to produce in this space is half-ass useless nothingness blogs. i'm depressed for a year and i can spit out sarcastically histrionic wit on a daily basis; then i get preoccupied with my own emotional domesticity and suddenly i can't barf out any kind of patronizing bullshit testimony about my life at all.

actually, that's a big fat lie. i've been depressed for years.

today i got falteringly disapointed with the world. by the world i mean stupid specific people in my stupid specific life. and by disappointed i mean miserably aggressive and bleak...

astounding and revolutionary, i know.

i always used to wish i didn't hang out so much in my head. now i've gone so many other places that i forget how to navigate through the obsessive compulsive filing system in my brain. i went out for some circumstance ice-cream and a fucking bomb went off up there...

it's probably for the best.

a tory minority

2006-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

i fucking hate this country.

i really like how knitting is cool again...

2005-12-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

... all around me i see cute little grandma sweaters and scarves in the making and i must say, it makes me giggle with delight.

today it is very white out. there is snow at all angles and it feels cozy and chocolately. i like the way christmas lights flicker underneath the layers because it reminds me how much i like blankets and books and secret tea parties all rolled into one.

when the bedroom windows are dusted with snow it makes sleeping skin to skin that much more... profound. or something.

things are looking up up up up...

echo the voices of the world...

2005-11-22T11:09:00.000-05:00

i just returned from georgia where i attended the annual non-violent peace protest/rally/direct action against the school of the americas in fort benning georgia. i drove all through the night on sunday to get back here and then slept for about 14 hours. i am tired, perplexed, frustrated, hopeful, revitalized, angry, and thoughtful. i have not had time to reflect on my experiences just yet, so instead i will post some pictures and perhaps write another time...

if you would like to see more (and better) pictures, go here.

peace.

resting in detroit...

2005-11-22T11:08:00.000-05:00

dancing in the parking lot...

2005-11-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

the doors into soa...

2005-11-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

conspicuously empty shelves in the soa library...

2005-11-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

a painting from the hall of liberators inside the soa...

2005-11-22T11:05:00.000-05:00

banner...

2005-11-22T11:04:00.001-05:00

i like bums...

2005-11-22T11:04:00.000-05:00

puppetistas...

2005-11-22T11:03:00.000-05:00

puppetistas...

2005-11-22T11:01:00.000-05:00

watching the puppetistas...

2005-11-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

julia taking a little break...

2005-11-22T10:55:00.000-05:00

us getting ready with the banner...

2005-11-22T10:54:00.000-05:00

our crosses in the fence...

2005-11-22T10:53:00.001-05:00

die in...

2005-11-22T10:53:00.000-05:00

flag...

2005-11-22T10:52:00.000-05:00

at the fence...

2005-11-22T10:50:00.000-05:00

crossing the line...

"hold my popsicle, i have to pick a scab"

2005-10-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

when i was really young i used to feed the squirrels in my grandma's backyard. she had a cherry tree and we would pick ones that were deep purple and imperfect. and we would leave little peanuts for all the squirrels so they wouldn't eat all the cherries. we'd wash the cherries in the kitchen sink in icy cold water and watch the squirrels run around the backyard, biting off the peanut shells and scampering up the trees...

today i had my first intimate encounter with a squirrel since that memory of my grandma's house. there were about 12 all around, some grey, some dark brown, their strange fluffy tails nervously tucked onto their backs. they came up hesitantly and grabbed the peanuts from our hands. one jumped onto my lap, hungry and greedy. once in awhile the wind blew so strong that all the leaves screamed sideways and formed little pocket tornadoes all over the park. the trees shook and breathed and sang together. the leaves fell in torrents, the wind passed over the skin on my face, and everything seemed so wild and so naturally uniform...

i couldn't help thinking that it was the most perfect autumn morning.
i was sad i didn't have any cherries.

s.a.d.

2005-10-17T15:04:00.000-05:00

today andrew and i had tea under a tree in an attempt to understand why it is that i am so insane. as i struggle to comprehend my emotional space, i'm oddly comforted by the 'high fidelity' cliche of consulting ex-lovers for advice. basically, i needed a slap in the face. a reality check. the cynical voice of reason....

andrew told me i need medication.

i tried to explain that it feels like caring for people is the most unbearable thing a subjective being could experience. that my shady relationship with Time constantly molests what little control of emotion i possess. that london ontario is making me feel more stuck in a spiritual rut than i possibly could have imagined... subconsciously i think it was fueled by needy existential bullshit, but the thoughts were there and potent regardless and it was reassuring to have someone to confront them with. to help simplify them. i got covered in dead leaves and forgot to drink my tea but i walked away feeling more... situated. more perceptive.

i came home for some vodka.

why last night was the best ever

2005-10-16T19:19:00.000-05:00

1. getting high with adam and realizing that he had like no clean dishes so we made pink lemonade in the brita filter and shouting out loud, "man, this was like the best idea ever!"

2. then, watching the leaf game on one of the only student couches i've seen that matches the rest of the furniture. it was big and brown and velvety and i couldn't stop thinking how it was the comfiest couch ever. adam leaving the room twice to make calls on his cell phone and the leafs scoring both times. adam realizing he is becoming the yuppie that he hates.

3. then, having a conversation about people who wear social justice as a fashion and thinking that was the best metaphor ever.

4. then, reading from the dirtiest porn magazine about a guy in jail trying to get laid who writes, "i think my cock is the coolest thing ever", doubling over with laughter and thinking that porn mags are the most hilarious things ever.

5a. then, adam's roomate saying, "yep, it's true" like 3 times.

5b. adam's roomate offering to make popcorn and then cooking it on the stovetop.

6. then, adam and i officially coolifying the saying, "you're like school on saturday. no class." and deciding to use it obsessively in conversation.

7. then, coming home and finding out that calder is coming to soa again and planning the best tea date ever.

8. then, getting into bed and remembering how i shared a teary icy drink with adrian that day and thinking, "man, i have the best boyfriend ever".

everything is totally shitty right now. and i really needed all that.

you know what they say: "a happy wife is a happy life"

2005-10-14T17:51:00.000-05:00

it's a whole new era... down there

rock star: inxs

2005-08-24T21:09:00.000-05:00

i'm addicted to this show. i think it started because i am in buffy withdrawl and i needed something else to watch. now i am obsessed. i haven't even seen most of the episodes, but i watched it yesterday and today and now i can't stop. i am pretty sure it is because i want to have sex with all the women. it's their vocal chords... that raspy androgenously beautiful talent that makes you want to politely yet provocatively murmur obscenities just because. especially the word 'fuck'... so presumptuous and effective and badass.

it's a crappy reality tv show and i totally get wet listening to the women rock out.

i am singing right now at my computer. i should sing more. and say 'fuck' more.

i need a shower

2005-08-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

today i conquered a lifelong fear of THE BALL ROOM. i've never really been comfortable jumping into a pit of plastic balls, even at chuck e cheese. my fear was that i would land on a needle buried somewhere underneath, or that i would catch hepatitis b when my mouth accidently touched all that dirty plastic. there is a ball room at work that the kids always play in that has monkey bars and tunnels and all this fun kid shit. i am pretty sure that the balls have never been washed. today i jumped into them and two kids buried me. i didn't get stabbed by a needle. but i kept my mouth closed tight.

home again home again jiggity jig

2005-08-15T22:39:00.000-05:00

i wish i had done my university degree in psychology so that i could have studied what makes people choose which bathroom stall to use in public washrooms.

i think about this every time i go in there. i've surrendered to the fact that my own choice of stall is always guided by my ocd... but not everyone is as crazy as me.

how cool of a thesis would this make. seriously.

this is m arbles

2005-08-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

hello and welcome to british columbia.

you know when people say, "getting there is half the fun"? mmm hmm, oh yes, especially when your boyfriend is terrified of flying and you have to sit in a crampy plane for 5 hours and it's 7 am and they aren't serving alcohol. grrrrrrreat. super fun alright.

amy lives on commercial drive in this crazy blobby green apartment. according to frommers, commercial drive has recently been overrun by vegans, lesbians, and artists. hilariously, the most un-amy of places. and yet, she has managed to fall in love with every other boy who lives here. of course. slut.

we went to wreck beach on saturday, which is canada's largest nude beach. it's at the bottom the ubc campus. friggin hippie academics. we went swimming and walking topless around the gay part. i liked the shrivelled sunburned old woman vaginas and the penises that seemed to be missing the penis part. all balls. apparently wreck beach is rather entrepreneurial. vendors walk around selling a) beer, b) chocolate mushrooms, and c) "really good bud". oh, and they are naked. fantabulous.

adrian and i went to vancouver island from monday to wednesday. as we were driving across the island we saw a bunch of cars pulled over on the road. so we pull over too and realize that everyone is swimming in a mountain stream. we don't have our bathing suits but we jump in in our underwear and it was oh so very beautiful and refreshing.

the drive was amazing and we ended up in ucluelet near tofino. we went to some hot springs and saw HUMPBACK WHALES. omg. eep. we went hiking through the pacific rim national park and got mosquitoe bites on our asses. mmm hmm.

tonight we are going to visit the australian crazies and then we are coming back to amy's to hang out with brown town and the blobs.

we are never coming home. ever.

pictures are on the way shortly.

a hundred thousand fingerprints, they floated to the floor...

2005-07-25T18:50:00.000-05:00

oh my little ghosts, what have i learned?

marina once told me that tom petty must have written the song 'wildflowers' just for me. so i listened to it today and thought about a poem that someone once wrote for me. it was about liquid tragedy and an almost fractured coccyx. i remembered that i had a copy of that poem on my wall above my bed. so i went to read it and i noticed that beside it was an empty space gathering wall dust where a picture had once been. i remembered that it was a photo that someone once took of me. somehow it ended up in a scattered drawer. i went to find it and beside the picture was a letter. so i read the letter and remembered that it had once been tucked inside a mix tape.

this weekend i was driving on hwy 21 and the construction made me take a detour. down zion road.

a detour down zion road.

i'm not kidding.

mmm.... pride

2005-06-25T18:31:00.000-05:00

HAPPY SPONGEBOB WEEK ALL YOU BACKWARDS HEATHENS.

also.

2005-06-25T18:06:00.000-05:00

i know i am hot shit but...

my eyes were photoshopped.

but thank-you all for your compliments.

you can direct them to andrew instead.

he photoshopped them.

just thought i'd clear that up.

i got a dollar, i got a dollar, i got a dollar, hey hey hey hey

2005-06-24T19:49:00.000-05:00

i ran out of pickles the other day. but then i bought some yesterday. and now i feel juicy and complete.

woah. sorry it took me so damn long to finish that crayon map. that's what has been keeping me away. honestly.

2005-06-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

so you think that i would have something interesting to talk about after being absent from the shmogging world for so long... but i don't. so don't get excited.

1. i miss muskoka. like insanely. i miss the no phone and no tv and no internet... just lakes and docks and drinks and conversation. and lots of outside. outside in london makes me want to throw shit because it sucks so much.

2. people who listen to canadian indie music are starting to piss me off. they are the new rage these days. they're everywhere. "look at me, omg, i'm sooo scene." ugh. pull the bandwagons out of your ass and find a less annoying identity. please. and if you can't, then for godsakes please stop barfing out ignorant, half-ass rhetoric and start listening to older music. newsflash... these bands have been around for longer than their latest albums.

2.b. if i hear one more person, including myself, use the word 'subversive' in a sentence, i think i will stab something. especially if referring to canadian indie music.

3. i am in love with adrian. we went to niagara falls last weekend. then we dressed up like giant yellow condoms and it made me laugh maniacally because everyone around us was also dressed up like yellow condoms. including old men and children. then we played with butterflies. and had lots of sex in our 2 person jacuzzi bathtub. there were no yellow condoms involved. but we thought about it, i'm not gonna lie.

4. gain washing detergent is the shit. everytime i wash my clothes i smell them all one by one. i'm a laundry perv and i fucking love it.

5. my ocd is getting out of control.

6. many of you have asked me to explain the tale of the near fatal blow job... but i'm not going to because it is too ridiculous. all i can say is that the incident may or may not have involved: a gimp knee, a rental car, a dirt road, karen's cat, left-handed olives.

7. we are going to ottawa for canada day. to listen to music. omg, we're so subversive.

kill me now.

"basically, it was good"

2005-05-31T18:38:00.000-05:00

the 36 sluts, at it again.

2005-05-31T18:36:00.000-05:00

karen and petey

2005-05-31T18:33:00.001-05:00

the second best picture of karen.

2005-05-31T18:33:00.000-05:00

tongue slugs. and dan.

2005-05-31T18:31:00.001-05:00

holy crap my boyfriend is cool.

2005-05-31T18:31:00.000-05:00

like, really cool.

2005-05-31T18:30:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure what i look like in this picture. but it definitely isn't human.

2005-05-31T18:29:00.000-05:00

the face pose picture

2005-05-31T18:27:00.000-05:00

there was this moment where christine was overwhelmed by the need to strip off her clothes and make a slut sandwich. we were happy to oblige.

2005-05-31T18:19:00.000-05:00

holy crap i love us

2005-05-31T18:18:00.000-05:00

how drunk is adrian? and how italian is christine? seriously.

2005-05-31T18:17:00.000-05:00

bc is sans labatt 50. this is amy making up for lost beer.

2005-05-31T18:15:00.000-05:00

post head bashing g unit

2005-05-31T18:14:00.000-05:00

christine's fantastic photographic abilities... amy on the bucket swing. the second greatest thing ever invented.

2005-05-31T18:13:00.000-05:00

3 am at the "i don't know what anything does in this park" park. aka THE RUBBER PARK. the red bum spin thing is pretty much the greatest thing ever invented. and adrian is pretty much the greatest thing ever created. so this picture is, like, the double greatest thing ever.

amy left about half an hour ago. i miss her already. we love you very much. please move home soon.

finally

2005-05-29T01:12:00.000-05:00

amy is here today.

oh victoria, my queen

2005-05-24T17:07:00.000-05:00

my may 2-4 weekends have always been rather... interesting. i remember having eggs whipped at me and making celery generals one year with get-a-long. another year, also with get-a-long, we got our campsites raided by the park rangers because we brought alcohol in illegally and got hammered and rowdy. all 36 of us. another year we drank vodka and orange juice for breakfast and went swimming in 60 degree water. yep. good times.

this year adrian and i played yatzee, coloured little kid pictures of animals at the visitor centre, almost made bird houses, ate watery starchy barfy kraft dinner, played in some trees, had a picnic at the beach, drank too much wine, and had lots of outside sex. by the campfire. with rum.

here is a picture from the weekend. it is dedicated to karen.

6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

2005-05-19T22:16:00.000-05:00

i realized today why i can only manage half ass blogs these days: i can't stand stupid people. and by stupid i mean everyone. i sentence like makes sense. gahhh.

*insert reference to crack here*.

pete-town

2005-05-13T17:35:00.000-05:00

christine called petey brownie today. she thinks i didn't hear her. BUT I DID YOU LITTLE SLUT.

eep.

i can bang out text messages on my cell with my nose and still have room to think fond thoughts about my penis

2005-05-13T15:12:00.000-05:00

"Infomania makes us dumber. Slower. Dimmer. Make a note of it. Write it on a Post-it and stick it on your monitor right now and stare at it like a mantra and then vow to yank the cables out of your brain and get outside and play with the dog and read more big thick books full of polysyllabic words and complex sentence structures and then, oh yes, be sure to smoke more pot because hey, it sure as hell ain't as bad for you as e-mailing like a maniac all day."

you didn't think i had forgotten my beloved mark did you?

first a bladder infection. and now this. god i am disgusting.

2005-05-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

i feel like ass. fortunately, i don't believe it is meningitis this time. i think it is elephantitis. but in my throat. yeah you heard me. i have giant testicle glands. i also have an infection in my mouth that has forced me to take out my lip ring and my tongue ring. i feel okay during the day, but i turn into a cranky difficult grump at night. thank god for adrian. he came over yesterday and made me boiled vegetables that he mashed so i could swallow them. and a smoothie. then i made him watch survivor. poor guy. aw. i love you.

but then. he also brought over movies for me to watch since i spend 16 hours of the day on the couch freezing and complaining and hurting. so after survivor we watched 'killer klowns from outer space', which i am pretty sure is the best goddamn thing to come out of the 80's. you think i am kidding, but i'm not.

okay i feel like barfing for real.

bye. forever.

"everywhere i turn, all the beauty just keeps shaking me"

2005-05-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

my dreams have been daunting lately... horrifying and obscene and beautiful. i know they are nightmares because i am flying in all of them. the flying is about power, not grace... like a mescaline-ridden prodigal daughter, gathering a temptuous rage. it is quiet... ferociously quiet. i catch the wind and she is thirsty.

last night we slept on sloven sheets, draped recklessly in our own licentious sin.

i woke up terrified, and coming to orgasm.

"green day rocks man"

2005-05-06T23:16:00.000-05:00

the past two days were ri-goddamn-diculous. and i can only remember half of what happened.

wednesday night started out pretty calm... sipping vodka, playing guitar, stealing little slutty kisses from my boyfriend... and then somewhere along the line i got right fucking hammered. oops.

on the way to the bar we were accosted by pre-pubescent pseudo-punk green day wannabes right after the concert let out. that was exciting for about -3 seconds.

at the bar i couldn't help thinking about amy coming to visit so i almost punched some dude in the face out of nostalgic respect. i didn't. but i thought about it.

also, i am pretty sure i made out on every square inch of call the office. the pda was revolting. i fucking loved it.

then.

last night we had a bonfire in our backyard, drank a stupid amount of tequila, and smoked a copious copious copious amount of marijuana. (sorry mom). i actually had the best, most euphoric high i've ever had in my life. except then it made me hate everyone around me. like really seething want to drop kick everyone in the junk kind of hate... with a homicidal karate chop face. or something. people kept trying to talk to me and i wanted to stab them. and then there were ghosts in my room that were scaring me. but other than that it was super.

the point of this post? there isn't one.

what.

when you get high, why does everyone on the radio sound like a porn star?

2005-05-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

sometimes i wish i was a cartoon character. i would be so fucking badass.

my pee looks like mcdonalds orange drink

2005-04-29T19:05:00.000-05:00

have you ever had a bladder infection? i wouldn't recommend it. it fucking feels like i am pissing fire. and i have to go every 6 minutes. except the only thing that comes out is a few burning drops.

i am a bit prone to bladder infections and it was starting to taunt my hypochondria slightly. so this prompted me to do some research on urinary tract infections and basically the conclusion is that i am a slut. go figure.

but the doctor gave me drugs that contain dye that turns my pee bright orange. like crossing guard uniform orange. it was so cool that i made adrian come and look at it.

also, i have a growth on my finger where the fingerprint is. it hurts a lot too. i thought it was a wart, but after comparison to a real wart, this is clearly not what is on my finger. maybe it is a zit? it doesn't look zitty . can you get zits on your fingers?

the best part about having a boyfriend to boss around is that you can demand that they come and look at your pee and they think you are being cute. when really you are just bossing them around.

a. white. (yes amy, that is his name. the first time it showed up on the phone, we were like, wtf?)

2005-04-24T16:53:00.000-05:00

alright alright. you wanted a picture. here it is. he's fucking adorable. and brilliant. and he's a librarian. omigod, that is so hot.

it has also come to my attention that i haven't written anything of substance in quite some time. this is because a) exams are taking over my life. and b) i have been too busy indulging in deliciously deviant sexcapades (see above). however, i will return to my pretentious ramblings soon enough.

oh, and i am coming home this week.

repentance

2005-04-21T12:04:00.000-05:00

dear cupid,

i apologize profusely for stabbing you in the eyes.

deepest regrets,
sheleena

i hate studying for exams

2005-04-16T17:07:00.000-05:00

the only thing i really don't like about the summer is the fact that i have to retire my sweaters for a few months. actually this isn't true. a lot of the time i will wear them at night anyway, even if i am really hot. but still. i can't wear them all day. i don't even think this is a fashion thing. i just, like, need a sweater. you know?

omg i'm 24.

omg i also just saw the hollaback girl video for the first time. can someone please make s.a.c.k. matching cheerleader outfits that say 'bananas'?!?!?!?! holy crap.

a beer for every year

2005-04-15T08:23:00.000-05:00

that's right folks, it's all about me.

24 is so hot.

bbq badass

2005-04-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

this is the fricken wicked yummy veggie cheeseburger i ate today

ranty mcrant

2005-04-04T23:51:00.000-05:00

these things irritate me. there a lot more but i got bored and i have to write 4 fucking papers by next week so i had to stop wasting my time:

winter.
1) i hate the cold. yeah it’s kind of cool when your snot freezes in your nose. but it’s only cool for like 2.7 seconds.
2) salt stains on my jeans are ugly.
3) you can’t have sex outside. unless you get off by turning blue. which i don’t.
4) everyone is depressed, including me, which would be fine if i could afford to drink a bottle of tequila a day. which i can’t.

open doors/drawers/cupboards. these just scare me. i’m not gonna lie.

passive aggressiveness. case in point: my (recent) ex-housemate. if you have something to say, then fucking say it and be prepared to back it up. if you can’t, then take a fucking percocet, go to bed, and get the hell over it.

bad sex. bad sex just fucking sucks. yeah, okay, maybe it’s the first time with someone new and their breath smells like finch station or their “kinky” comments make you snicker or their facial expressions irritate you or it’s all about them and their hairy wrinkly penis etc etc. but accidental lovers can be indisputably surprising and wonderful and spot on. so don’t give me that whole “sex is ALWAYS better with someone you love” bullshit. love is all fine and dandy and ideologically sexy. but is it going to make me have a better orgasm? not necessarily. sex with someone you love might make it more intimate and spiritual and shit, but it can still be crappy and boring as ass. if you can find the right balance between carnality and genuine affection, then three fucking cheers for you and your clitoris. but bad sex is bad sex… with or without the lovey dovey. inexperience is permissible. but a lack of creativity is just fucking lazy.

people who don’t vote. i used to be one of these people, i admit. but then i realized it was cool to vote. and i always do whatever it takes to make me look cool. unless you are going to vote for the liberals. in which case you should be elbowed hard in the right temple until it bruises. and just to clarify: political apathy is worse than voting for the liberal party. actually… this is debatable.

blogs. blogs seriously piss me off. and i am so pathetically addicted to them it makes me want to stab myself. and all of you.

men who have girlfriends. (unless you have a girlfriend but are a wonderful polyamorous beautiful attentive lover who brings me chocolate cake and takes pictures of me when i am sad.) okay, so technically i have been single for over a year now. i did the 6 year eventual live-in relationship. then i did the 6 month yay this is a lot of fun okay now we’re done but thanks you are awesome relationship. then i did the 6 week hey you’re kind of interesting but this really isn’t going anywhere but i guess it doesn’t matter because you just moved to mexico forever non-relationship. then i had some sex with a few of my friends just for horny drunken kicks.

and now i am just really fucking bored.

single life can be the shit. but it’s unfulfilling a lot of the time. sure, it pumps up your ego a bit, and playing the catch me if you can game is fun, but it gets old fast. i.e. i already know i am hot shit, thanks for the attention, now fuck off, i’m bored. that being said however, i’ve been sincerely interested in 3 men in the past few months, all of whom have girlfriends. yes i realize i just made the most contradictory paragraph ever. my own irony is what fucking aggravates me so much.

men who have boyfriends. same as above only add, “oops. aw, shit.”

tucked-in sheets. if i can’t sprawl in bed, i get irritated. it’s really that simple.

rationalism. who the fuck invented rationalism? i want to kick this person in the cunt. but that wouldn’t work because clearly this inventor was a man.

yeah. that about covers it.

p.s. that all might have been a load of shit. i just felt like being a raging bitch tonight.

p.s.s. i know ass isn’t boring so don’t even fucking bother saying it.

p.s.s.s. if you voted in the middle, just save it cuz i really don’t feel like arguing that shit right now.

see you all in hell.

untitled

2005-04-02T10:57:00.000-05:00

so. canwest has taken over my life a bit. but it's okay because i have figured out how to deal with the smug, jerky-comment-writing douchebags over on the other blog: you write a completely absurd post that gets your point across but does it in such a ridiculous way that people read it and are like, "what the fuck is this? how am i supposed to respond?" brilliant i tell you.

in other news... our house is being overrun by mice and spiders. it's annoying.

and apparently karen and christine had a baby? you little sluts.

okay. bye. forever.

il est fou comme un lievre du mars

2005-03-27T13:54:00.000-05:00

yesterday i felt like stabbing someone in the eyes again. only i couldn't find a pen this time. so i figured i'd just piss away the night alone in my bedroom instead, too angry and morally opiated to function like a respectable human being in the presence of others. yes, a night alone. fucking perfect, i thought. all i would need is a big blanket and some good porn.

then this morning i took my dog for a walk. it smelled like spring outside. and by that i mean it smells like dirt and 'house for sale' signs. i went looking for pussy willows. (what the hell is a pussy willow anyway?). and as i walked and petey pooped, i kept finding myself drenched in moments of nostalgic weakness, fleeting whispers from the vernal equinox, making me shiver and smile at the cosmic serenity of it all.

it kind of made me want to take photographs of my surroundings, as though my camera could make art better than mother nature already did... as though i could somehow capture the vitality of spring better than the way my senses experienced it...

the earth is awakening. and i think everything is going to be okay.

if not, darts make a good substitute for pens.

sometimes i doubt my commitment to sparkle motion

2005-03-26T13:56:00.000-05:00

i am jumping on the critical darling bandwagon for today.
i reiterate: what the hell is the point?

quote of the day

2005-03-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

"i've done things with you i can't even spell..."

slushies, rubber, and pictures of the moon

2005-03-20T23:34:00.000-05:00

recently amy asked the question, "what's your favourite local place to go?" and, well, i've been thinking about this. i narrowed it down to the following:

a) patios. these include: call the office, the alex p keaton, the last drop, taps on talbot, and the runt club. omg. the runt club. THEY GIVE YOU POPCORN. um, yeah. i can't think of anything better than a patio and popcorn. and if poachers arms had a patio, i am sure i would add it to this list too.

b) wortley village. ah yes, the gaybourhood of london ontario.

c) the market. loose leaf tea, fresh farmer's veggies, and spinach & feta bureks. and A SKATING RINK IN THE WINTER. holy crap i didn't even go skating once this winter. this week christine and i went to the market and you will NEVER guess what happened...

i lost my wallet.

i know, i know, this is absolutely shocking and i can tell it is having a profound effect on your day. yeah, okay, so this happens a lot, but for once in my life, i was actually panicky. but don't worry mom, i found it. again.

d) the traintrack bridge over oxford st. mike took me on a date here once and it has since become one of my favourite places to go and be and have picnics. you sit over the thames and drink wine and the train goes by you like 2 feet away. it's pretty. it kind of makes me all existential or something. see picture here.

e) around westmin. oh 3rd mcgeachy, home of the raging clitoris. i used to love sitting beside the river and doing homework or playing frisbee. and i spent a lot of nights lying on the ground under the trees after rick mcghie, drunk and insanely content. my floor, being the hot shit that we were, painted a whole buncha boulders under the bridge. it is all overgrown now, but sometimes i go hang out down there when i am on campus. i write and have sheleena-time. oh man. i never really thought about it. people probably think i am some fucked up weirdo spy perv or something. IF THEY ONLY KNEW THE HALF OF IT...

f) the scary spot and brescia hill. so it is kind of an initiation thing. if you want to be friends with the 36 sluts, then you must accompany us to the scary spot at some point. it is the only way that you will actually be cool enough to hang out with us. we like to dress up like spies and run around brescia hill and take pictures of the moon and the city at night. oh shut up. i know you think that's hot.

here is a picture from the scary spot:

g) the 7-11. oh my good god damn i love slushies. and the orbital girl.

h) city lights. you didn't really think i was going to get through this list without mentioning a used book store did you?

i) the rubber park. otherwise known as the i-don't-know-what-anything-does-in-this-park park. amy explained this in detail so i won't repeat. but i would just like to bring it to everyone's attention that this park is the fucking shit. one time amy and me and jared and dan got drunk off of creme de menthe shots while sitting on our porch and then went to the rubber park. and another time i went there with eddie and jared and a buncha random people at about 4 in the morning to play hacky sack and eddie explained his button theory about the thames bridge robot. yeah. and another time i was on the bucket swing and this wannabe thug came up to andrew and i and he thought we were lesbians because andrew used to kind of look like a girl. plus he tried to sell us drugs. but he was on a bike.

oh man. the suction your ass red cup thing is the shit.

i can't fucking wait til summer. AMY COME HOME TO VISIT RIGHT NOW.

spring cleaning

2005-03-15T10:38:00.001-05:00

no no no. not the kind where you like shovel the eavestroughs or scrub the baseboards or sanitize the space between the stove and the fridge that's been collecting dust and gunge and cobwebs for the past year. yeah, gross. GO LOOK. it's there so shut up. besides, i'm not talking about that kind of cleaning.

i'm talking about a time to rejuvenate and transform; to tidy up all those little loose ends or take a pair of pink kindergarten scissors and hack them all off. all that sticky bad karma, all the moldy, stagnant energy that's holding you down or poisoning your body or driving you towards the scary kind of insanity. it's time to get rid of all that shit. it's a spring cleaning for the soul ...

i know i know. CHEESY. but let me tell you, it was long overdue.

for me this started post-australia. or really, it started while i was there i suppose. spending time on my own, travelling, meeting new people... these were all things i really needed to do. i needed a vacation from my life. and the sun... oh the sun!! how delicious and revitalizing!! next up was seeing amy. nothing like being around someone to realize how much you miss them. amy became one of my best friends last year and seeing her made me understand how utterly grateful i am to know her and have her in my life. i mean, really, my life wouldn't even be worth living without my slut school diploma...

my spring cleaning is partly about a purging. this is manifesting in a couple of ways. i have slowly been working organics and locally grown food into my diet. this has been happening for awhile, but lately i have taken a severe interest in food security. i am making conscious choices to avoid participating in a global food system that is irresponisble, abusive, and unnecessary. my diet isn't "perfect", good god it's far from that. but i am working on it. as for the purging... christine and i have decided to do a juice cleanse to expel all the toxic chemicals and gluttony from our bodies. a corporal karmic sweep, you could say. a metaphoric action for my spiritual state of mind right now...

this purging has also involved people. no, not the abhorrent hitler kind of purging. gah. *shudder*. this is more like a release... i've taken down all the little paintings hanging in the chambers of my heart. i've placed them in delicate origami boats and pushed them out into the current.... yeah, okay, CHEESE again. blah blah blah. the point is, i am no longer interested in entertaining the sentimentality of my past. old friends, old lovers... welcome to the world of pink kindergarten scissors.

also. i have stopped driving. the same week i got into a car accident, my battery died briefly. i therefore have come to the conclusion that mother nature is punishing me for being a failure as a social justice student. she pointed a stern finger, slapped me upside the face and said, "girl, get your sorry-ass act together". so i did.

i know what you're thinking: "oh sheleena, you misguided godless hippie. please stop sniffing hemp and dreaming about threesomes and purple vibrators and naked yoga. reality check: used books are NOT going to save the fucking planet!"

perhaps. but i won't know unless i try.

p.s. is that really how you spell "gunge"?

WHAT.

stars show

2005-03-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

stars were wicked cool.
amy, call the office misses you. and so do we.

here are some photos for you to enjoy. sorry there's no tongue slugs.

ohhh oh, this ma shit, this ma shit

2005-03-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

we are so hot shit.

2005-03-11T13:29:00.000-05:00

pouty model and perky boob

2005-03-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

did i mention that we're hot shit?

minus 4 degrees

2005-03-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

dear mother nature,

it is my understanding that spring is approximately 10 days away. as such, i respectfully request that you GET THE FUCK ON THAT.

sincerely,
sheleena forfar
a.k.a. the centre of the universe

notice board: GLOBE week

2005-03-07T15:12:00.000-05:00

there has been a lot of people working really hard to bring the first annual globe forum into existence. globe's purpose is to foster and cultivate effective forms of public education, activism and dialogue on contemporary issues concerning human dignity, social justice, inequity, human rights, environmental change, social identities and differences, and human conflict via a variety of avenues. it is based out of huron. try to check some of the events out.

i know you have SOME time. so shut it and go.

Monday, March 7 - Social Movements
Tuesday, March 8 - International Women's Day: Women's Rights Are Human Rights
Wednesday, March 9 - Economic Globalization
Thursday, March 10 - Responding to Humanitarian Crises in Southern Sudan

A BIG THANK-YOU TO EVERYONE THAT ATTENDED!!!!

!!!!

2005-03-06T22:58:00.000-05:00

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE CAN GET ME TO THIS CONCERT FOR FREE. ANNE-MARIE DID YOU SEE THIS?

... be good tanyas, wilco, arcade fire, joanna newsom, pixies, the frames... holy crap and so many others.

OH MY GOOD GOD.

when it snows it pours

2005-03-03T16:46:00.000-05:00

last tuesday i stepped on a piece of glass. yeah, it hurt. it got embedded right underneath the skin on my heel so i got a safety pin out and made an incision along the side of the shard. yeah, it hurt. then i grabbed some tweezers and went all surgery-like. i pulled that piece out noah wyle style and i felt like a fucking champ, blood and all.

after that my week SEEMED to get a bit better. had a few dates with alex p. keaton. he's a good man. got my funk on at call the office, as always. and being reading week, i actually did lots of reading.

but then mr karmic joke shoved his middle finger up my ass and all of a sudden the foot incident turned into a frustrating series of unfortunate events. but there was no jim carey making it creepily funny. it just sucked.

it started in the bathroom. i'm singing away in the shower, la la la, all soapy and content. and then all of a sudden I START DROWNING. yeah you heard me. the shower head exploded into my right boob and i was attacked by a fucking machine gun of water to the face. i start gasping and spitting; i slip on one of the broken pieces, stumble and kick the bath tap with my surgery foot. so now i'm yelping and swallowing bullet water and all those nice soapy shampoo suds are burning in my eyes. stop laughing. it fucking sucked.

i'm on my way to campus later and it's a blizzard and a half outside. so i'm driving up waterloo street, inching along through the slush and snow, right boob hurting. stop sign up ahead, beige minivan in front of me, slowing down to stop... wait a shit, i'm NOT STOPPING. i'm in four wheel drive AND the antilock brakes kick in and i am still sliding away toward the minivan. yeah. i hit it. i probably slid for like 3 seconds so i knew i was going to hit it. not speeding, not braking fast, just stupid canadian snow and a p.o.s. ford. i got out of the car, looked at the minivan, doesn't look bad, slightly relieved. so i drive to campus, study with julia and christine, and come back to my car a few hours later.

there's a PARKING TICKET on the windshield.

then the minivan woman calls me yesterday and tells me that the damage is $1400. not exactly sure how that is possible, so i call my mom and cry for like 3 hours. then i cried some more because the finger up my ass was really starting to hurt.

yeah, so that sucked.

(election) budget 2005

2005-02-23T16:09:00.000-05:00

corporate tax cuts and $12.8 billion on defence?!

what the shit is wrong with this country?! i just love drowning in free-market capitalism. especially the terror-laden kind. tell me mr. martin, what's our plan? oh wait, WE DON'T HAVE ONE! two thumbs up... right up your asses. read me.

fucking liberals.

(post script: i know she is talking about 'liberal' americans, but come on, it's funny anyway.)

nipplegate, a 10-foot line of premium colombian blow, and the great white myth of our time

2005-02-23T14:18:00.000-05:00

hahaha, yes! mark's back.

i awoke in a sweat from the american dream

2005-02-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

so, as if you didn't know already, hunter s thompson committed suicide. if you don't know who he is then you should be publically ostracized and then shoved up dick cheney's ass. (okay, not really. besides, there probably isn't room anyway.) there seems to be a lot of people talking about this...

same thing goes for kyoto. in case you didn't know, the kyoto protocol went into effect on february 16th. this is a popular topic as well.

well, i suppose you are expecting some sort of commentary on this. sarcastic perhaps? a long, drawn out, though surprisingly witty analysis perhaps? well, YOU'RE WRONG. all i have to say is:

today i stepped on a piece of glass and it fucking hurt.

notice board

2005-02-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

on march 19th 2005 it will be 2 years since the invasion of iraq. activists all over the world will be participating in a global day of protest and mobilization. somehow i have ended up mc-ing the london rally this year and i hope you will all join us in solidarity at victoria park on that day. more to come.

next, linda panetta, who is the executive director of the school of the americas watch northeast, will be speaking about her efforts to help close the soa, which is where i went in november. linda will also discuss her trip to pre-invasion iraq. tarek will also be speaking about his experience as a volunteer medical worker in war-torn iraq. i urge you all to come and hear them speak. they will be at the wolf performance hall at central library on thursday february 24, at 7:15 pm.

for those of you that are interested in issues of disability, mobilize!! is a new community dedicated to supporting, networking and mobilizing dis/abled activists around some of the most pressing issues facing the disabled. according to jeff preston, who is a media and public interest student and creator of this endeavour, mobilize!! "is an inclusive community that hopes to break down the segregation of "disabled" and "abled" through knowledge and understanding. it is through solidarity and mobilization that the we can liberate all individuals in our society from the bondage of stereotypes, underfunded government programs and corporate infringement." check it out.

also, i sent out an email awhile back that had information regarding the upcoming cultural creative conference. well, in anticipation of this kamilla etc are launching a creative zine project. submissions can include photographs, drawings, poems, short (250-400) word descriptions of how you think our ad-saturated, commercial, dehumanized, tv culture can be reclaimed and rejuvenated. real life stories of cultural reclamations being done in the past are welcome. the deadline is march 5th. email me if you are interested in submitting something and i will pass along kamilla's contact.

oh, and just a reminder that submissions for the student film festival are due by march 1st.

peace.

i love to me

2005-02-19T11:15:00.000-05:00

it has come to my attention, or rather been brought to my attention, that, in addition to my o.c.d. and mild hypochondria, i exhibit certain certifiable bi-polar tendencies.

hmm, well, that sounds about right.

usually i walk around with handfuls of yellow balloons. i dance. i play. i take pictures of faerie dwellings and participate in solidarity dinners and sing rather prolifically in the car. and the bathtub. i am quirky and unpredictably loving. i fuck really loudly and enjoy every lustful, delicious moment of it. i am random and frivolously spontaneous. and every day i marvel at all the uncontrollable, indestructible, breaktakingly simple beauty that exists all around me... the vibrancy and passion, the creativity, the hope...

it is natural and i am peaceful.

recently however, i have become a cynical, sarcastic, irritable person. i mean, i am even starting to run out of pens for stabbing people in the eyes. what the fuck?! when did i get like this?! the truth is, i faltered. got lazy. stumbled into a self-perpetuating monotonous acrimony. or shoved into, really. it was a self-defense mechanism, a languid response tacitly silhouetted by teetering emotion and disarray. i didn't mean to end up here, but everywhere i look these days there is abjection and discontinuity and broken hearts and broken countries and broken families and broken ribs.

lives are broken everywhere. and we are restless.

i am contradiction.
i am complexity.
i am immaterial.

i love to you.

semiotext[e]

2005-02-19T02:15:00.000-05:00

"the very definition of the real has become: that of which it is possible to give an equivalent reproduction.... the real is not only what can be reproduced, but that which is always already reproduced: that is, the hyperreal... which is entirely in simulation." --jb

happiness is a warm pussy

2005-02-15T23:11:00.000-05:00

"for every girl who is tired of being weak when she is strong, there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he is vulnerable.

for every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything, there is a girl who is tired of people not trusting her intelligence.

for every girl who is tired of being called over-sensitive, there is a boy who fears to be gentle, to weep.

for every boy whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity, there is a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.

for every girl who throws out her e-z-bake oven, there is a boy who wishes to find one.

for every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires, there is a girl facing the ad industry's attacks on her self-esteem.

for every girl who takes a step toward her liberation, there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little bit easier.”
--the opening slideshow for vag this year... from crimethinc.

holy crap we're a bunch of sexy ass women... thank-you to everyone who helped to make this years vagina monologues so absolutely incredible. i love you all.

julia

sheri and natalie

lindsay

yes that's christine. slut.

a steve sandwich with jenn and sheleena bread

feminist on the outside...

2005-02-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

the next time cupid’s arrow hits me, i’m gonna pull it out and stab him in the eyes with it. twice. because really, it took my bruised, arrow-pierced ass way too fucking long to realize that the big c had miscalculated on that last attempt. by a long shot.

you know, i think cupid is a sadist. and not just cuz he skips around shooting people. i think he delights in the fact that his job position causes people severe psychological injury, that it gives him the freedom to dip his arrow in poisonous clichés and then laugh maniacally when the poor human bastards wonder why roses and bad missionary position sex just aren’t cutting it anymore.

so really, by stabbing him in the eyes, i would actually be doing society a favour. blinded and bleeding, the big c would stumble around and start shooting his arrow in every which way direction, hitting people randomly until a) he punctures someone in the achilles tendon and they beat the shit of him or b) the illogical indiscriminancy of his targets essentially liberates humankind from ludicrous preconceptions and heterosexual, monogamous ennui. people would start to love momentarily and polygamously and depthfully. they would start to love vigorously on EVERY day of the year. they would start to love themselves.

they would turn the lights on during sex.

i like the lights on during sex. i like a lot of things about sex... and conveniently, now magazine has recently put out a love and sex guide. now, i've never pretended to be russian, nor have i ever made love in a pepto bismol-filled jacuzzi. however, out of the approximately 60 points on this list, i can say with resounding pride that i have participated in 33 of them. okay so that's only half. but i am gonna say that quality DEFINITELY outweighs quantity on this one.

in my humble opinion, the keys to good kink are communication, attentiveness, and respect. i used to think love was key. i mean, even the fleeting passionate kind of love makes kink absolutely beautifully delicious. but it isn't necessary. and kink isn't necessary for good sex. in fact, the best lover i've ever had i didn't like the majority of the time, and the sex was incredibly intimate and hot, yet i wouldn't classify it as kinky per se…

in any event, my 2005 valentines day advice is this: buy a whip, dress up like a priest or a character from alice in wonderland, walk up to some random on the bus and say, “peg me like a pirate baby”.

hey cupid: fuck you.

click click click lick

2005-02-09T21:55:00.000-05:00

this is what I wrote on a napkin yesterday:

today i was sad. and not in the sorrowfully philosophical way. more like an uninhibited convulsion, smudged mascara, histrionic kind of way. lots of tears, thin salty rivers drip dropping, tinted black, and carrying little despondent particles into the bath water. the heat gave me a headache.

i want to be bathed
…

then, whilst drowning in my pathetically melodramatic self-loathing and despair, jeremy came over. he took pictures of me. here is one when i was sad:

we stayed up til 6am:
.

today i wrote an exam on 4 weeks of absent material. now i am off to indulge in some very debaucherous, hedonistic pleasures at call the office.

i feel better.

"jay was really excited about the canadian flag. until he realized it was a maple leaf and not a..."

2005-02-07T20:58:00.000-05:00

plus he was wearing a toque with a canadian flag on it. it said "snoogans". that's fucking awesome man. and caitlin and joey got engaged again.

holy crap i love degrassi.

sexuality and the catholic nature of kings

2005-02-07T14:12:00.000-05:00

okay, so technically i am a main campus student at western. but my program is run through an affiliate and i have most of my classes there... at kings university college. no, not the monarchy kind. the jesus kind. however, most of the students at kings aren't catholic, in fact a lot of them don't even realize that kings is a religious institution until they arrive on campus during frosh week and see the giant, semi-unintelligible, ugly, metal cross thing hanging over labatt hall. yes that's right, i said labatt hall. apparently jesus was in the beer business.

so here is the dilemma... a lot of the time the administration and the p.r. people walk around promoting kings as a WESTERN institution. other times, when it suits them better, they pull out the CATHOLIC rhetoric. as i spend more and more time at kings, i am coming to realize the catholic presence is much more pervasive than i originally expected...

my friend dan is a co-social justice and peace studies student. he was also a residence advisor at kings. well, until november. then he got fired. for having condoms available for other students. now, almost all other western r.a.'s have condoms to give out, and condoms are available at all times in the student health centre for free. but because dan worked for kings, he was asked not to do this. he refused.

here is a cartoon from the gazette.

the media exploded about this. and it brought into focus some much larger issues: what is the place of sexuality in religion? and what is the place of religion at kings? what is the place of kings at western? does kings have a responsibility to its non-religious students? do all students have a religious responsibility to kings? what is the cultural significance of contraceptives? how did this even end up as a religious thing? are all sjps students complete wackos? wait a sec, where can i get free condoms? the verbal backlash from both sides was intense and has been continuing to this day, 3 months later. but both sides have really good arguments.

now, as everyone probably knows, i am not exactly the most religious person (i.e. not at all), nor do i have any problem being extremely sexually explicit or active or deviant. (preferably explicit and active and deviant at the same time.) plus dan is a friend of mine. so i have a particular interest in this whole issue. but i also have a lot of respect for the people at kings, for those who are (sanely) religious, and for those who fall elsewhere on the sexuality spectrum (at least you're on there somewhere)...

finally, it seems, everyone is going to talk about it...

some friends of mine from the sjps program (some of whom, i would like to point out, are very religious, yet very outraged) have been trying to intiate widespread discourse regarding dan's dismissal and the larger issues at hand. they have come up with a suitable way to have everyone's voices heard, from ALL sides of the debate:

"On Thursday, February 10th 2005 from 7pm to 9pm at King’s University College in the King’s Students’ Lounge (Wemple Building) there will be a panel discussionon “Sexuality and the Catholic Nature of King’s.” This panel discussion is being created after the dismissal of a Residence Assistant at King’s because of his desire to distribute condoms to King’s residents.

In reaction to this incident, there has been a great deal ofpositive and negative media attention directed towards our students and our administration. It is our hope that the panel discussion will not only speakto the aforementioned incident but to a broader discussion about the issue ofsexuality in the King’s/Catholic context. Our hope is to create a healthy, open, free, diverse, and respectful dialogue, as requested by a number of our staff, students, and faculty.

The Panel Members will include:

Dr. Gerald Killan, Principal of King’s University College (Panelist)
Doreen Vautour, King’s Residence Manager and Conference Services Coordinator(Panelist)
Dr. Gil Brodie, Dept. of Philosophy and Religious Studies (Panelist)
Dr. Claude Olivier, School of Social Work (Panelist)
Dr. Jacquetta Newman, Dept. of Politics (Moderator)"

i hope you all have time to attend.

and no, we aren't all wackos.
i swear.

no. fucking. way.

2005-02-05T13:45:00.000-05:00

KEVIN SMITH IS GOING TO BE ON DEGRASSI THIS WEEK!!!